Disillusions

Saturday March 2, 2013     5:05pm

            Here recently i have been very discontent with my current situation. Long have i been trying to find the source of the issue. i thought it could be my work load, so i started taking less classes and working a little less. It didn't help out. Maybe it was my friend group, so i started hanging out with some different people. That didn't help either. i got lots of new friends, but still found that something still didn't feel right. Perhaps it was my attitude, so worked on changing my attitude. Although it's helped me to understand things in a new light, it didn't help my discontentment. Maybe it was my teachers, so i started listening more and thinking more about what they had to say. Turns out i don't agree with them as much as i used to, but i still feel out of place.
            What was going on? i had change everything i could, i changed my friends, i changed my mentality, i changed my outlook, i changed everything. Why was i not happy and content? Today i think i figured it out. There are two problems. 1) i want things and i want them now (honestly this is a big problem in my generation but i'm just taking note of it in my current situation). i was told by a professor the other day that i had "wanderlust" and honestly he's right. i have a tendency to want things that are either not meant for me to have or things that i shouldn't have yet. i'm ready to be out in the real world doing things. i'm ready to have a lasting relationship. i'm ready to be a "contributing" factor to society. Maybe the word that should be used is "want". i want to be out, i want a lasting relationship, i want to contribute. There's nothing wrong with wanting to go and do, but it has become a problem when it began to consume me. There's another problem though. 2) The people around me don't want to know what it's like outside, out in the "real" world. i feel stuck in a school with people that don't really care what's happening on the outside. i'm stuck in what many people call the "LeTourneau Bubble". It's amazing that me and others i know call it being stuck, but many many others call it being at home. It bothers me so much that others don't accept that people are hurting and have been burnt by Christian establishments. When people ignore that it only makes the situation worse. It makes those who have problems feel even more isolated and makes those who are at "home in the bubble" feel like there is even less of a problem.
            What do i do now? Do i stay and try to make a difference? Or do i go somewhere else? Only God knows where He wants me, and i'm sure He'll make it known to me at some point. For now i'll try to make a difference and hopefully i can get some help in doing it. i just hope it's not a wasted effort. I know it's not going to be wasted. It doesn't matter whether people change or not, it just matters whether i follow God's commands or not. As long as i do what God wants He'll do the rest.

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